tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21161512534648127292024-02-07T00:09:14.750-06:00Fat Meets Fit with PolymysitisExercise-hating, Polymyositis-having fat girl seeks her inner-fitness love for a happily-ever-after thin girl ending. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-45376125902475716472013-05-23T11:25:00.000-05:002013-05-24T11:57:48.513-05:00Fundraising - My Hail Mary <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Because I don't know what other options I have right now, and <a href="http://fatfindsfit.blogspot.com/2013/05/falling-through-cracks.html" target="_blank">yesterday's post</a> just meant I have to try harder somehow not to fall apart. I have to rely on others and swallow my pride.<br />
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I've been blogging sporadically almost 10 years, and I haven't really become part of the bigger blogging community. I suppose I'm praying for a miracle now.<br />
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<a href="https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/4WC97" target="_blank"><div class="fr-widget" data-type="badge" data-url="http://fnd.us/c/4WC97" data-variant="wide" data-width="340">
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Just share it even if you can't help. Thank you.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-30405264185534494152013-05-22T20:23:00.001-05:002013-05-24T11:56:46.393-05:00Falling Through the Cracks <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I'm a single, disabled mom who is falling through the cracks. I don't do drugs, smoke or drink, but we'll get an eviction notice served on us Friday, and Saturday they'll probably come to repossess my car. I've been disabled 1.5 years and this is where I'm at financially - almost homeless and definitely bankrupt. My disability redetermination was denied and has to go to a judge for processing. It could take a year to see a judge. It's already been over a year since I filed. I'm working as hard as I'm able, yet it's not enough to get out from under the overdraft fees and late payments that keep snowballing.<br />
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When I was in the ICU and physical rehab, my emergency savings paid for everything that came due. Not amusing to pay for an apartment I didn't live in for almost six months and insurance on a car I couldn't drive for longer than that. I'm not a huge part of the blogging community, even though I'm loosely connected to a few well-known bloggers. Local friends talked about helping me with a fundraiser for a while, but then I never heard anything else about it. Maybe people thought I was fine or just forgot about me since I was out of sight, out of mind. I think I know what really happened, but I won't point fingers since I've since unfriended this toxic person. To be honest, I thought I'd be fine. Hell, <a href="http://fatfindsfit.blogspot.com/2012/04/i-almost-died-but-didnt.html" target="_blank">I almost died</a>! I was happy just to be alive and breathing! </div>
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Once I was finally diagnosed with <a href="http://www.myositis.org/" target="_blank">Polymyositis</a> and Interstitial Lung Disease, and got out of the hospital for good, I was still enrolled in school and took out student loans to survive while my Social Security Disability was processing. I couldn't keep up with the classes and now I'm ineligible. I also couldn't transcribe or write at the same pace I used to. I've barely kept up for the last six months. I'm failing at it completely now. </div>
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After the financial aid ran out, and my tax return was gone, I took out a payday loan to survive for another month or two. Then there's the title loan against my car so we didn't lose our apartment in WI and end up homeless in the snow. Why would I take those out KNOWING how terrible they are and how high the interest rates are? Because by then my credit was wrecked from unpaid medical bills and credit card bills. The little money I was making trying to work was keeping the lights and heat on. There were times I couldn't get 10 minutes across town because I didn't have gas to get there. </div>
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I have family that's trying to help, but I don't come from a family with a lot of money. I often worry how my asking for help will impact them financially. I also don't want to be a burden on my family and ask for help every month...it's humiliating and my pride often keeps me silent. Even though I start earning a paycheck in June, instead of freelancing, there's just no way I can ask anyone for what I need and expect them to come up with it. I was hoping I'd get help from community services instead.</div>
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I've called all the community services and they don't have anything to offer or are tapped out until June/July. Our food stamps and insurance coverage barely got approved in time. I had a $40 check in my pocket, $-60 (yes negative) in the bank, the last of our food was gone and had less than 1/8 of gas to get to the food banks. I hope no one EVER has to make these decisions. </div>
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In hindsight, I shouldn't have believed the promises of financial support from someone who has a habit of changing his mind and isn't always reliable, but who has come through enough times to assume he will this time. By the time my ex-husband changed his mind about helping me move for health reasons, I had no choice but to move and used my tax return to make it happen. I didn't know he'd disappear completely after I got to AZ. So I just left most of our stuff behind and hoped for the best as I drove across the country. We had almost nothing when we got here. I thought I'd be able to do enough freelance work until my customer service job started in April -- then my start date got pushed back to June. Now my pain comes from stress instead of the weather.</div>
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I worry that my child will be removed because someone (my ex) feels I can't take care of him. I worry that we'll end up in a shelter somewhere here, at best transitional housing. I think about how I already had to let me son go live with my ex-in-laws when I was sick, and how I don't think I can do that again without losing myself. I remember his tears and hysteria to "please just drive us home now" and not being able to whisk him away with me right then. </div>
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Social Security thinks I'm not disabled enough, and my backup plan didn't start when expected. This is how easy it is to fall through the cracks.<br />
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PS - I put a PayPal button above, or my <a href="https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/4WC97" target="_blank">fundraiser site</a> if you are moved to help. If not, just share my story.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-66997627190347384652013-01-30T14:22:00.000-06:002013-01-30T14:22:02.116-06:00Off The Prednisone<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Today is my first day off the Prednisone - again. The last few times I went off Prednisone, I relapsed with loss of muscle strength. I'm hoping that this time it doesn't happen since now I know what's wrong with me (<a href="http://myositis.org/">Polymyositis</a>). My inflammation numbers (cpk) have been under 70, but the 60's do hurt quite a bit even though it's below normal. I just really hope I'm stressing out about this for nothing. At least now I know what to look for, whereas before I didn't have a diagnosis.<br />
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My Drs. are all positive about my outcome so far. I do have to see the pulmonologist, since it's been a while. I'm sure they'll want CTs or at least Xrays to see how my lungs are doing right now. I've had so many Dr. changes, with Drs. leaving and whatnot, that it's always interesting to see what they'll come up with next.<br />
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My hope is that I'll start dropping this weight now that the Prednisone is gone. I have 3 more Dr. appts. coming up in the next 2 weeks. I guess we'll see what they all say!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-79297644047847258552013-01-20T09:53:00.000-06:002013-01-20T09:53:03.419-06:00Moving Day With a Weigh In<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I'm moving all my Polymyositis posts from my 'mommy blog' over to this blog. Since it's all health related, I might as well keep it all in one spot and it doesn't seem right to have all my issues on a blog that used to be all about him. Plus, my first blog about my son's life just falls by the wayside now since he's getting older and I'm feeling like he deserves more privacy. I mostly post about him privately on FB to just family and friends. There'll be updates here about parenting with Polymyositis, but less about my son specifically. I'm pretty sure my homeschooling blog will share more than enough about him anyway.<br />
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So watch for a slow but sure migration from there to here!<br />
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Current weight - 552.1. My heaviest EVER in life, and yes I feel sick about it and have a lot to say about how upset that makes me. Another time though.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-43118860802432777022012-07-28T21:42:00.000-05:002013-01-16T08:52:14.732-06:00Gaining not Losing<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I'm so mad. I don't know if it's the meds or my laziness that's got me gaining faster than a holey bucket, but it sucks. I'm heavier than when I got sick in the first place. <br />
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Time to get serious about this stuff because I can't manage my health issues and medications and keep gaining weight. I want my face back. Moon face sucks. Thank you Prednisone. I want off the diabetic meds too but gaining weight isn't helping that either. <br />
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Joined the local YMCA to hopefully keep exercising since I graduated out of physical therapy recently. I'm hoping I can at least slow the creeping pounds until I figure out if it's the meds or my lack of activity.<br />
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I hate being sick and on meds that make me swollen and hungry. I need motivation.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-60229287810756976112012-05-25T01:28:00.000-05:002013-05-22T20:01:19.959-05:00Starting a New Life After Almost Dying or How Polymyositis Changes Everything<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Sooooo.... yeah, I guess I fell off the diet wagon for a long time, and then this year I find out the hard way that I have a rare autoimmune disease called Polymyositis (PM) with Interstitial Lung Disease (ILD). Basically my body is attacking my own muscles, & the worst parts are the shoulders and hips. Some people have issues with swallowing, but I'm okay there thankfully. I had to go to inpatient rehab twice for weakness that put me in a wheelchair. Each time I got out, I was able to walk with just a cane outside. This time I weaned off the oxygen and my lungs are finally clear of crackles.<br />
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It all started with bilateral pneumonia right before Halloween 2011, which led to respiratory failure and they thought the muscle weakness was atrophy from the coma. The coma was to keep me from ripping out the ventilator they put in. It was all actually the start of Polymyositis. It took almost 5 months to get a diagnosis of PM. I was in the hospital at least once a month for a minimum of a week at a time, and I had to switch hospitals to find this out. Come to find out, weaning me off Prednisone was causing relapses! Now I'm on tons of harsh meds, and physical therapy (PT) and occupational therapy (OT) have gotten me almost back to 100%, but not quite.<br />
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Ironically, I was in the process of losing weight and was down to 211, but stuck and going back up. In the hospital I swelled up from the high doses of Prednisone I'd be given, and go back down from the Furosemide/Lasix. I have stretchmarks on the sides of my knees as reminders of this. I couldn't even bend my legs at the knees all the way it was so bad one time. At least now I know what to expect when I get Prednisone in the hospital.<br />
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This last stay in the hospital, in inpatient rehab, I was doing 2 hours of exercise and one hour of daily living (ADLs) every day while on a 10 carb meal limit. The Prednisone increases my blood sugar and makes me hyperglycemic. So the exercise & carb restriction had me come out of the hospital at 194.7! I stepped on the scale twice to make sure. Since I've been home, I'm back up to 210 with PMS this week. I'm hoping the Lasix brings down the bloating, & next week I'll be discussing tapering the Prednisone so the swelling goes down. I'm inching up in weight, but I don't know how much is meds and how much is lazy eating & not exercising 2 hours a day.<br />
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<b>Here's the plan to figure it out: </b><br />
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Elimination dieting of sugar, dairy & wheat/gluten starting June 4th and each week after, eliminate the next thing. It's first Monday of June. Why wait? Because I'm planning a major event by travelling to Chicago June 1 and trying to 'cleanse' my diet while travelling is stupid & I'll fail. If I fail, I'll give up. I'll be checking with my Drs. on this idea as well before I start. My next step has slowly helped ease me into this somewhat. I'm really going to miss cheese, greek yogurt, ice cream & chips.<br />
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Cleaning of the kitchen cabinets and freezer/fridge. I've been 'shopping the pantry' to clean out expired foods, processed foods, etc. Now that I'm paying attention to what's in the food I eat, and how I feel after I eat it, I realize that the garbage I'm putting into my body makes me feel like garbage. The less temptation I have in my cabinets or fridge, the less likely my willpower will give out. So processed, microwavable, HFS, MSG, and similar items are vanishing from my home.<br />
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Exercise program: My PT told me to walk every day and each day go two houses further. This starts now, obviously. I also have OT exercises to do with my arms even though I'm not in OT anymore. These keep my strength up where I'm still shaky and hopefully keep the flares at bay. How many times did I wish I was in shape before getting sick?! Having two nurses have to help you, or not trusting someone to be strong enough to catch you if you fall because you're heavier than them sucks. Muscle strength is what helps me to get up off the floor! Motivation is all I need when I'm not being goaded by an evil therapist. Yoga & swimming are on the OK list as well. I'm excited about this. I also think Tai Chi might be good for me for exercise and for keeping stress at bay.<br />
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This is going to be really hard. Food is my life. I love cooking. I love eating. No... this is going to be a CHALLENGE! I need to change my mindset. If I overcame not being able to wipe my own butt more than once while in the hospital... I can change my diet and exercise everyday - even if I hate it. Changing my diet should be easy compared to what I've already done so far.<br />
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Time to start a new life after almost dying.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-87978780781444848892012-04-12T08:35:00.000-05:002013-05-23T09:51:51.257-05:00I Almost Died but Didn't<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">About 2 weeks after my last post in October, just before Halloween, I went into the ER with pneumonia. A few days in the hospital on antibiotics led to respiratory failure, my being intubated on a ventilator, and put into a medically induced coma for about a week. This is the first time I've wanted to write about any of this. Maybe because after almost six months of being in and out of the hospital, I finally have a final diagnosis and I feel almost normal - outside of the physical damage that was done.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">I officially have Polymyositis with Interstitial Lung Disease. It's a rare connective tissue (muscle) autoimmune disease with breathing issues. No definitive cause is known, but it means I'm on meds my whole life and I'm officially disabled. I can't lift my arms up over my head, and I can't lift my legs at the hip more than an inch or two right now. I'm in physical and occupational therapy to fix this and I hope to be back to normal in the months to come. I just have to stay on my steroids and anti-transplant rejection drugs forever to keep from a relapse. After experiencing what happens without these drugs, I'll gladly take those two and all the others given to me. I couldn't move without massive pain and my hands wouldn't open or close. Yay drugs, boo side effects.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">It started with pneumonia. I couldn't catch my breath so I went to the ER. They admitted me, but I didn't get better so I went to the ICU. Just hours after I got to the ICU, the last thing I remember is saying I couldn't breathe and my chest hurt. Then it goes blank until I woke up a week later. My family says they gave me about a 50% of living while I was out. The hospital basically threw everything they had at me to keep me alive. I had crazy dreams from the drugs, and my son is what I remember most from the dreams. I had a tube down my throat and couldn't talk. I wrote on an eraser board the best I could, and a rolled my eyes a lot when I got annoyed, frustrated or angry. I did that a lot. Not being able to talk sucked. I did make a joke to my stepbro with hand motions (that didn't make sense to anyone but me) when I first came out of the coma. At least I kept my sense of humor, right?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Being in the ICU & having lost the ability to do anything on my own was humbling. Remembering the first time I had to stand up from the bed with a nurse's help is what keeps me going now when I get discouraged. Thank goodness for Xanax because that was the scariest moment of my life, after having been mostly immobile in a bed for weeks. Actually, the bill from that time is pretty scary too. My legs didn't work, my arms only moved at the elbow, and I needed help with everything. I'm trying to forget the tubes being removed and the other help the nurses provided. I could never work in healthcare, ever.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">I went to the rehab unit for physical and occupational therapy, but the coughing from the pneumonia made everything so hard. Breathing is usually required when you exercise and I was struggling. I finally was able to walk up stairs and do a lot of my basic care and went home just before Christmas, even though I wasn't 100%. I was supposed to finish my rehab as an outpatient. I felt good and ready to go, but no such luck.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">A week after getting home, the first week of January, my mom was here helping me and my right arm swelled up. Back to he ER! I had a blood clot in my right jugular. I was put on blood thinners and had to have my blood tested every week. I also would start to wean off the steriods/prednisone and get sick. I was in the hospital every month, if not every other week almost. I finally had to switch to a larger hospital because they'd had more exposure to my first diagnosis of ARDS - Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome after pneumonia. I've had so many CT's and Xrays of my chest that I glow in the dark. I have about 8-9 DVDs of images from thouse and the ultrasounds to EKGs that it's just ridiculous.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Once I changed hospitals, I got better diagnosis of what was going on, but everyone kept looking at my lungs as the issue. Finally, this last episode of muscle weakness caused such distress that I couldn't even walk. A muscle biopsy was done along with many other tests, and I joke they went all Dr. House on me, but they found out I have an autoimmune disease. Finally! I was just happy to know what was going wrong with my body and how I can manage it in the future. Once I got into therapy, I rocked it and made super progress. Only two weeks in rehab and going from barely walking to being able to take care of myself at home. The doctors are super impressed and I'm really motivated to get better.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Yeah, it sucks I'm now permanently disabled, but it could be so much worse. My meds will help me get better and therapy too. The worst part of all of this? My son having to go live with my ex-husband until the end of the school year. I miss him more than anything, but I know his being with his dad is the only way for me to get well enough to bring him home. I see him this weekend and I can't wait. There so much more I have to say, but it's time to eat and take more meds. Here's to getting better!</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-78987986527771441462010-12-05T04:47:00.000-06:002010-12-05T04:47:09.965-06:00Strep ThroatWell, sure enough I got myself sick by burning my candle from both ends and from the middle! The strep came on so gradually, and I'd never had it before, so it got its claws in my throat nice and deep before I got it treated.<br />
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It's been a week since I ate solid food. From last Sunday to Saturday, all I had was liquids and not even filling ones. Everything burned so bad when I tried to swallow, even pudding and jello! I had 1% milk, tea, hot cocoa, and coffee to keep going. Work didn't stop coming in while I was sick. My son didn't stop needing me when I wanted to cry from the pain. He's sick as a dog too, but of course not with the highly contagious strep but with a hacking cough. *sighs*<br />
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Sadly, I thought I'd lose weight from the all-liquid diet all week, but it's not looking good. Normally I weigh right when I get up before a shower (naked) and was at 127 the Sunday it started. On Wednesday, I weighed mid-day, fully clothed and was at 134. How is that even possible?! HOW?! I'm doing a real weigh-in when I get up. I'm totally blaming PMS and 'water' weight. Hmph!<br />
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I'm also working my butt off this month to be able to add that gym membership to my budget in January. Ohhhh, since it's just the membership sign-up fee that's really pushing it out of reach, maybe requesting it as a present from someone in my family! Ha, I'm brainstorming like the Imagination Movers my son watches. Must follow up on that idea later. <br />
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I'm headed back to sleep feeling more positive at least. Now if only my household could shake these colds we keep getting. The resting part of sick I'm all for, except my son didn't get that memo. Crazy kid.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-36081354017644427022010-11-11T23:33:00.000-06:002010-11-11T23:33:32.476-06:00NaBloPoMo NoMoDone. Just done writing every day about my failure to eat right and exercise. I'm so beyond stressed out right now with the holidays coming and money super tight. I just need a break for a minute and this is one less guilt trip for me to worry about. Seriously, I put a cookie in my mouth and thought about how that's going to make for more crappy blog fodder tonight. So I don't know if I feel like writing tomorrow I will, and if not well whatever. I'm tired and worn down from being a single mom with a strong-willed child who will not go to bed and just wears me down until I'm just so done. I'm not going up or down either way so maybe when I can afford that stupid gym membership or get motivated to move around in front of my television to videos, then maybe I'll feel better about writing about the progress I'm making. As of now, this is not helping me feel better at all. That's not what I need right now.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-80483656318286304722010-11-10T23:33:00.000-06:002010-11-10T23:33:36.262-06:00SickOh the fun of sinus congestion and feeling bad all over. I've had more chicken soup, tea, and orange juice than should be humanly allowed. The poptart I ate was dry and scratchy and tasted like dirt - sugary dirt. Yuck. Milk was a really bad choice this morning and just made me a way more congested, and I knew better so that's worse. I suppose this is a good thing? The taste of my normal foods are just off and I don't want to eat anything since it tastes weird. It may even just be allergies but I doubt it. I can guarantee I won't be trying to do any aerobic activities while I can't breathe through two nostrils at the same time. I just feel so yuck right now. <br />
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I'm just waiting for my son to get this too. He just got over a cold and it's never fun when he's congested. That truly stresses me out and trying to get him to eat stresses me out even more. The only easy part of that is that I can finally keep up with him because he doesn't want to do anything. I know he's better when he's back to his Tigger-like bouncy self. That's usually when I end up eating what he leaves on his plate because it's basically not touched. I don't eat mine and then his, I usually just eat his plate because I know he won't. <br />
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I really need to figure this all out. This might just be the most boring non-weight loss blog ever. There's no weight loss or exercise to be seen around here. Just me thinking about it and wishing it would happen. You know, I'm in a terrible mood today and sick of myself. On that note...g'nite.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-83227807455691778712010-11-09T23:46:00.000-06:002010-11-09T23:46:34.137-06:00Aches and PainsMy body hurts in all kinds of places. I know some of it is from the extra weight I'm carrying around on my body. My hips hurt mostly. That's partly because of this God awful couch I bought online that is like lounging on a rock. If I were a lizard sunning myself it would be great. I'm not. I'm sure the 80 or so pounds I need to lose aren't helping when all the pressure is placed on my hip when I 'relax' on my couch. I really just need to sell it and get a new one. My knees hurt too. Usually when I'm down on the floor playing with my son and I have to get up. Things usually pop and crack when I get up. That can't be good for me. I had knee problems as a teenager and I really would like to avoid them now. My feet hurt if I stand for too long. They hurt if I walk at the zoo all day with my son. They don't fit in my cute shoes right. I hate it. I thought my cute shoes were the one thing I would always have. I mean, the whole knee-high boot thing is a nightmare for me anyway. I come from thick-calved genetics and even on my thinnest days they don't fit me. <br />
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I think the worst pain is the pain of not being happy with how I look right now. Every day I wonder how the hell I got here. Okay, I know how - stress, baby, divorce, unemployment, homelessness, etc, etc. Now how do I get out of it? Where do I find my motivation when I feel defeated before I start? I know all the things I need to do to make it happen. I know and I just don't know where to find my motivation. I know if I started exercising regularly the pounds would start dropping off and that would be motivation enough. Now if only I didn't get itchy after I start sweating that might help too. Who wants to sweat and then itch?! Like working out isn't pain enough. I guess I'll have to figure it all out. Soon.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-26533751170239387872010-11-08T23:58:00.000-06:002010-11-08T23:58:47.780-06:00OatmealToday I realized if I start my day with oatmeal, I don't have the urge to snack or just wander in search of something to eat. It actually keeps me full until lunch and I like oatmeal. Okay, so it's not the plain kind...yet. And I probably ingested too many calories, carbs, sugar, etc. but it's good to know and I can switch to plain with my own fruit once I'm out of my blah slump. I'm feeling better. I don't know what it is when fall ends and right before Daylight Savings I get all out of sorts and yuck. I'm not going to blame it on PMS because that's not like a month long issue. Not for me anyway. So I had greek yogurt and homemade chili with veggies in it. I have always put in frozen mixed veggies, even though this time it felt like I was ruining it, but I like them and it's better for me. Now as far as portion control, I could probably have had smaller portions and no cheese. I didn't use sour cream at all this time. It's these little changes I need to document so I just don't feel like I'm completely failing and just not making any effort at all. Thank God the Halloween candy is all gone. We didn't have that much in my house, so that was a plus. But I did have KFC chicken and then homemade pizza Saturday while I visited family. So my battle is just maybe trying to work on portion control in small ways. I really, really know I need to add exercise. I'm not mentally there yet. I'll have to blog those out tomorrow.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-37050094937619380692010-11-07T20:30:00.002-06:002010-11-07T20:30:29.406-06:00Wordless Weekend Goal<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwaKuUQkl3kv3_MDb3xZlW4jACkaQgXgsapPostNcNy_IEhsf34xjE3ORVWlaAH7Q_eVsP8_mqNipa6Kfgg2KgMNssRHEedktRiN3QYQ_ic7Dpk80SX7OOk702lbThVJ4Sy8DwyIbhnKzc/s1600/1d06.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwaKuUQkl3kv3_MDb3xZlW4jACkaQgXgsapPostNcNy_IEhsf34xjE3ORVWlaAH7Q_eVsP8_mqNipa6Kfgg2KgMNssRHEedktRiN3QYQ_ic7Dpk80SX7OOk702lbThVJ4Sy8DwyIbhnKzc/s1600/1d06.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9MQKfkqJeHWtpHajVZX-rtr14aG4PEZWANrhHXGF1JRXEKfhnWthSvw-aPBV0k1UanCQuD5rVIC81dYwiOqjLShSWyZQ5O8iQb6PFzJjeIZN49tdTVOVM20tlzU4RC_KtOCjDg9bEcysL/s1600/df94.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9MQKfkqJeHWtpHajVZX-rtr14aG4PEZWANrhHXGF1JRXEKfhnWthSvw-aPBV0k1UanCQuD5rVIC81dYwiOqjLShSWyZQ5O8iQb6PFzJjeIZN49tdTVOVM20tlzU4RC_KtOCjDg9bEcysL/s320/df94.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-46958690718352593302010-11-06T21:49:00.000-05:002010-11-06T21:49:46.700-05:00Wordless Weekend<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd26f97Zsak5eQYc-vVktOHtPPEdgcn8v9OtILHeOtqJiRbv_Z7YvT90o2g4BZMbRhRzbpdcJK7t7jxNU6sqtQGKl4nHxPjNMcSreQMSsOZ3LMGpxcfDu6JewFBXDtALWC0mpBImBuLjGp/s1600/S5002933.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd26f97Zsak5eQYc-vVktOHtPPEdgcn8v9OtILHeOtqJiRbv_Z7YvT90o2g4BZMbRhRzbpdcJK7t7jxNU6sqtQGKl4nHxPjNMcSreQMSsOZ3LMGpxcfDu6JewFBXDtALWC0mpBImBuLjGp/s320/S5002933.JPG" width="248" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2yULVTlCqEwvuzcepBiRGGsb25UsZvImH8FXei_yr3DxB-O1kLyQFhNDc6hAYM0mLHytE0IzcFfWlH_WhyrsY6DhqQYfdKNTxO2SEROkyFFK5jQGJJr2-he6BSF0l5WpYTPHxkQbp-uNW/s1600/46ef.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWsWBb-3TUG6jQ4grO05KeageYI0Rt7GkGu2RhBJQunwXaQObkYHLeQoQttjqQEgZuOIO-cotqH7VBpLecMxGVuvFpXSDxWsYLvOAgx338J1B2jm39fOAMp7bqK3xGc3GLC1oOw1lIu_QR/s1600/xmas+pies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWsWBb-3TUG6jQ4grO05KeageYI0Rt7GkGu2RhBJQunwXaQObkYHLeQoQttjqQEgZuOIO-cotqH7VBpLecMxGVuvFpXSDxWsYLvOAgx338J1B2jm39fOAMp7bqK3xGc3GLC1oOw1lIu_QR/s320/xmas+pies.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNWSi9-QNK5fT72kBGtP9nkS1psEyfrskvYThTYRWTezpsFUkszhGmLoXhQRP143JubgdtHR-RMwmTtV1CL_Kx25ZgS3JzTqEOJl1eOPYCoOrkSTBpo61BkjoOjxIFKdJqSwfGuMkm4xz-/s1600/xmas2009.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNWSi9-QNK5fT72kBGtP9nkS1psEyfrskvYThTYRWTezpsFUkszhGmLoXhQRP143JubgdtHR-RMwmTtV1CL_Kx25ZgS3JzTqEOJl1eOPYCoOrkSTBpo61BkjoOjxIFKdJqSwfGuMkm4xz-/s320/xmas2009.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-10910668216565232412010-11-05T22:33:00.000-05:002010-11-05T22:33:40.243-05:00My HopeMy hope this month is that by writing about my struggles to even get motivated to get fit will lead to some changes. I really feel silly writing that I didn't work out or didn't eat wonderfully again today. I wonder if I can write that everyday and still call this a weight loss blog? I've never gained this much weight before so this is all new territory. I've always been able to starve it off on Mt. Dew and Goldfish crackers. Having my son and having my gall bladder out really put a wrench in that unhealthy weight loss program I had going on. Now, with the lack of a gall bladder, if I don't want to have some serious intestinal issues, I have to eat something. If I wait until lunch I'm screwed. <div><br />
</div><div>So this weekend I'm going to see family, my son is going to burn off more calories than he takes in, and I'm going to take in more than I burn off. Somehow I'm going to get some walking in there somewhere. It's getting cold and I really, really wish I could afford the gym right now. Since I'm self-employed, I hope and pray my contracts pay me on time. This month it didn't happen like that and my reserve is already running low from moving and not going to school this year. It's just a big struggle to get back on track to where I'm feeling comfortable with my life and my schedule. Oh, the guilt. This sucks and it doesn't help me get skinny. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Here's the stress showing - the spice candies I don't like that much just went into my mouth. Five of them. Ugh. Now I'm going to go rummage for something, and I don't know what yet. Something. I hate stressing about money because it leads to eating things I don't really want to eat. If I ignore it, I will be back up in 5 minutes rummaging again. Ridiculous. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Boy, I hope I get to the fitness part of this blog soon because this really doesn't speak well for my progress on losing pounds at all. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-89186080073718268762010-11-04T23:39:00.000-05:002010-11-04T23:39:15.775-05:00FoodI love food. Obviously. I love cooking it and creating flavors that just meld seamlessly. Eating it is the reward for the work put into creating. If something tastes good, my willpower to resist eating it all or eating too much goes out the window. <br />
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So how do I turn off my desire to eat delicious food and still say enough is enough? It's not like suddenly I'm going to have willpower out of the blue. I mean, if I had willpower like that I wouldn't be where I am now. Fat. <br />
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What kills me is that when I was pregnant I got gestational diabetes and followed the diet to a T. The nutritionist was really impressed that I switched over so easily. Well, my son's life was in danger and I was having female issues because of the high blood sugar. Of course I'd follow it. As soon as my son was born, I grabbed the Oreos. Not being able to eat sugar sucked. Sugar free food is the Devil. How anyone gets used to that nasty taste of 'fake' sugar...yuck. <br />
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So, I don't know. Portion control is obviously an issue because I love how food tastes. I don't just eat anything because it's here. I wouldn't eat Ramen noodles if you paid me. I also hate sugary cereals. Most the food I have in my house is pretty healthy! We do not eat white bread. We don't drink whole milk. We mostly eat chicken and limit red meat to ground beef sometimes. The only yogurt I buy is Chobani greek yogurt (so good). I don't really like sausage or pepperoni on pizza and it's something like Newman's or California Pizza kitchen. We love fruit and veggies! I try to avoid corn syrup and use natural peanut butter.<br />
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But then there's the snacks like salt & vinegar chips or reverse Oreos. I can't keep ice cream in my house or it's gone. My weakness is root beer floats. I could possibly live on those and bacon, which is also not in my house. The Goldfish crackers I eat by the handful are killing me. I hate water. God, I hate water. Buying bottled water seems wasteful, but I won't drink tap water. So we drink 100% juice, 1% milk, and the dread pop (soda) which isn't a staple here either. <br />
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You know, I'm pretty sure exercise would help too. Just sayin'.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-58454588757036146712010-11-03T23:27:00.000-05:002010-11-03T23:27:40.211-05:00Not Ready but I WantI don't know what's going on with me lately. It's like I just don't care, or I have an excuse for putting everything off. Maybe it's the shorter days or something, but I am not motivated. Not with my clients, not with my home, not anything. It's like depression, but I still feel happy just not motivated to do anything I should. I find distractions like TV or the Internet or Xbox (loving Halo). I don't know. I do have a lot on my mind with money and the holidays coming up. I have a feeling that's a big part of it, but it's still an excuse. I bet exercise would reduct my stress...everything I read says it does. Ha!<br />
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I just want to look nice for the holidays. I want to hear people ask me if I've been losing weight. I want to be able to keep up with my kid when he runs ahead after school. I want to wear cute clothes this summer. I want to not feel HOT all the time!!! I hate sweating. Hate it. You would think that alone would motivate me to lose. Nope. I want to feel good and not feel jiggly. <br />
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So I'm not sure where my happy groove of desire to work out went. Or where my motivation went, period. I just hope it's a blip on the radar right now. I'm just grabbing sleep and food randomly when I have time right now. So this isn't even going to be a very good weight loss blog at all until I snap the hell out of this funk.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-71507297409029690012010-11-02T23:14:00.000-05:002010-11-02T23:14:01.514-05:00Pizza & SoupThe election results are making me worried about what is going to happen in the future. My son did not want to go to bed and was seriously stressing me out tonight. I have tons of work sitting there waiting to be completed. I"m going to be pulling another all-nighter to get it done. I'm feeling stressed and I ate like crap. I had two instant coffee drinks for breakfast, 2 frozen chicken nuggets, then a poptart for lunch at 3pm, random spice candies, too much California Pizza Kitchen frozen pizza that my son ate all the meat off first, another instant coffee to keep me up for work, and just now I ate a Campbells Chunky Italian wedding soup...and a bite-size Butterfinger. I'm sure there will be more random candy to try to stay awake and it'll just make me sluggish and tired. The nap I wanted to take earlier to help me stay up didn't happen. The gym isn't going to happen for at least a couple weeks. I'm just feeling a lot stressed out about my finances and my child right now. I can tell in how I'm not even thinking about what I'm eating when I grab it. Oh, and I did have about 20 grapes but also some puffed cheese things (not Cheetos ew). <br />
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I guess all I can do is have a better day tomorrow and not just give up. Focus! I need focus and commitment.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-7459283320167566422010-11-01T23:38:00.001-05:002010-11-01T23:48:04.032-05:00Back on the WagonOk, I'm back and recommitted. I'm joining a gym nearby and getting myself together. I gained almost everything back I lost and I'm pissed. I'm tired, I'm grumpy, and most of all my body just feels achy all over. My job isn't exactly conducive to exercise, but now that the boy-child is in school 1/2 day, I have no reason not to work out. I find that I do not work out at all when I come home. My intention was to work out at home while he was in school. I always have an excuse not to. The gym is on the way and is priced reasonably. It's not a place where people were hitting on each other, wasn't crowded at ALL, and all shapes and sizes were working out when I visited. <br />
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Weight tonight: 232.<br />
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Also, I will be updating all month as I joined <a href="http://www.nablopomo.com/">NaBloPoMo</a> and I'm looking for motivation anywhere I can get it as we go into the dark, winter months.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-75013936196761246332010-08-19T23:09:00.000-05:002010-08-19T23:09:39.392-05:00Back up the scale...I'm having some really, really stressful weeks going on here. Emotionally just a wreck and choosing not to fight it. I'm eating to soothe my feelings. Add some PMS on top of that and I'm a super salty-sweet scavenger here. Pretty sure the bag of oreos and of tortilla chips sums that one up.<br />
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I'm up 7 pounds. I'm pissed. Pissed at myself for the junk I've eaten.<br />
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My son starts school in a couple weeks. Five days a week, three hours a day. Perfect for working out...alone! Every. Single. Day. Alone! I have a plan. I will wear my workout clothes to drop him off. I will go work out or walk or something during that time! <br />
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I want to start dating....<br />
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I don't want to date as a 'big girl'. I want to be happy inside first. I WILL do this.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-79917416780976325142010-07-27T14:52:00.000-05:002010-07-27T14:52:04.193-05:0015 Pounds!!!I just hit the 15 lbs lost goal! Of course, my 4 year old has hidden my camera and we're going on day 3 of looking for it. So no picture. :-( <br />
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This is the most I've lost consistently in forever. I'm on a roll and I'm super excited. That's half the weight of my kid I just lost. Hooray! Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-63748908690761834082010-07-21T01:17:00.000-05:002010-07-21T01:17:42.637-05:00HormonalI want to eat all the chocolate in the house and then eat everything salty I can find after that and wash it all down with chocolate milk!!!<br />
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My ex, my work, and my body are all conspiring against me the past few days to pull me in a spiral of eating and then feeling bad about it. I'm beyond stressed and I can't sleep at all. Insomnia for weeks. So fun. I gained 2 pounds and I don't even know if I want to try to blame it on bloating. Sounds like a cop out to eat more chocolate at this point.<br />
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So I did eat a few mini chocolate bars and then a few tortilla chips. I don't know why I don't have chocolate pretzels in my house in case of emergency! <br />
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I'm just annoyed and tired and stressed out. At some point, maybe I'll figure out that exercise will help even things out. Bet I lose more than 2 pounds here and there too. Meh, whatever.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-48610316474163889442010-07-13T17:49:00.000-05:002010-07-13T17:49:20.413-05:00SweetEven though it's probably not completely deserved <a href="http://thefatchickweigh.blogspot.com/2010/07/consistency-my-400th-post.html">The Fat Chick </a> listed me in her 'consistently consistent award' followers. Thanks! I guess I better be more motivated and post more often. I sadly neglect my 'mommy blog' just as much as this one most days, so at least I'm consistent in neglecting both equally. LOL<br />
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So I suppose I should update for real.<br />
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I've been eating garbage and got garbage back for it. 2+ pounds gained for eating chocolate bars and pizza and ice cream. Blech. And I feel like garbage after I eat that stuff too. Not only that, but I binged on it for a few days and felt completely annoyed with myself for grabbing whatever I might have a taste for and just eating it. Then when I realize it's NOT what I had a taste for, I get annoyed and start looking for something else to stop the gnawing desire for something...anything that will shut my brain up for a while. Ironically, the last time I did this it was a nectarine that finally fulfilled that craving. I ate two and they were delicious. Ice cream is usually my weakness and I've decided not to bring it into my home anymore. I'll stick to my Greek yogurt (Chobani all natural) since it's in a single serving cup and I won't gorge on it.<br />
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Also of note, my stress about my finances and changing my income stream is having an effect on what I eat. If I keep processed, lazy-making food in my house I eat it first and then the good-for-me stuff goes bad...because it's fruit and veggies! So while I do need easy, fast-to-make food in my house for days I need to work and work some more but my kid still needs to eat, I have to keep the bad-for-me frozen stuff out of my house. I'm going to have to try a Sunday all day cook for the week type thing and then I'll be forced to eat the veggies and fruits for breakfast, snacks, and dinner. I'm all about the easy so I'm going to try this and see if it helps cut out the nasty processed freezer section food from my home freezer. Wish me luck in this because Sunday dishes will be insane with this plan & I hate me some dirty dishes.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-53443181315484419352010-07-05T14:19:00.000-05:002010-07-05T14:19:11.651-05:00In Jammies After Breakfast<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglJvkVufL10H_zcrTelRQ9Fej4vYuxo-bT_Z8C5pXsxWBzf6iPQG6V-gNd15aYjBhXgIKTFZEXMMMtw9rk4yhuMZfCsgti4-HFAliSkNNQs7H6UnGPze6hStYYBDFE2nS9-TyIZpt3qB0j/s1600/0702101207.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglJvkVufL10H_zcrTelRQ9Fej4vYuxo-bT_Z8C5pXsxWBzf6iPQG6V-gNd15aYjBhXgIKTFZEXMMMtw9rk4yhuMZfCsgti4-HFAliSkNNQs7H6UnGPze6hStYYBDFE2nS9-TyIZpt3qB0j/s320/0702101207.jpg" /></a><br />
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Not sure why I didn't take this first thing in the morning before my shower, but whatever. I'm claiming 225 and celebrating with a pedicure.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116151253464812729.post-82566728735760291182010-06-14T19:15:00.000-05:002010-06-14T19:15:21.853-05:00Weigh In with Current & Goal PicturesWeigh in: I'm at 227!<br />
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Not much from the 228.6 but the consistent small loses mean a lot to me right now. I feel like I'm actually making progress and some of the things I had hoped to do when I started thinking seriously about weight loss can now be continued and built upon. Hopefully keeping the pictures on here will remind me of my journey so I don't loose motivation. Since I love seeing other bloggers' photos of their progress, I'm hoping to do that for mine as well. The photos from an old post are the start and the goal.<br />
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I wrote this on my family blog around my last birthday 9/2009 (edited for clarity):<br />
<blockquote>I've always had issues with my weight. It goes up and down over time but I've never been as stressed over it like I am now. I used to love almost all of my body and how it looked. My calves and I have a love/hate relationship. Now, I'm the heaviest I've ever been and I weigh the same now as right before I gave birth. I added the baby weight back on rather than losing it. I only blame myself for letting it get out of hand, but now I'm going to be accountable for losing it rather than hiding it and being embarrassed about my size. The weight-loss ticker to the left is going to keep me accountable and honest about my progress. I already had to add pounds before I got to take pounds off.<br />
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I come from a line of heavy people on my paternal side, and know the health issues that come with it. I'm at risk for Type II diabetes, genetically and due to my gestational diabetes which vanished (thankfully) after Noah was born. I have terrible eating habits because I'm not disciplined and it's easier to snack at a computer than to stop and eat a meal. I work at home and my classes are online, so I sit in front of a computer for 15+ hours a day if not more. My son thinks my treadmill is an indoor jungle gym. Having had my gallbladder out makes things complicated as well. The one thing I can say positive is that I quit smoking in 2006, which is never a negative even if it added pounds! <br />
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The problem now is that my weight is causing me to change how I feel and act around people I know or just meet. I'm embarrassed to go see old friends who knew me when I was thinner. I constantly wonder if I'm dismissed as 'the fat chick'. I look in the mirror and I hate how round my face is and that double chin (omg I just said that out loud). My belly looks a mess with a yucky flap thing from carrying a kid. The only reason I don't really have serious wrinkles is that fat is less painful than botox for keeping them away. I don't feel good at all about any part of me. I have cute clothes in my current size (18/20), but I'm not happy at all about how I look in them.<br />
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My average weight is around 145-ish, but I was down to 125 (bad breakup) when I met my ex-husband. I emotionally ate while I lived in AZ until I was 170 and thought that was the heaviest I'd get and had ever been. Then I got pregnant. I cried at 200, my 'max limit weight'. I got up to 235 but was at 208 after the baby. I haven't been under 200 since Noah was born. I'm ready to be back down to at least 150 max. I have a long way to go.<br />
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So this is my leap into better eating and then I'll try to add the exercise in slowly. I've failed before by trying to revamp my whole lifestyle and gave up when it was too much at once. Exercise is going to be the harder part of this whole thing. I am NOT a motivated person. I know what I should do, but putting it into action isn't my forte. So healthy eating first, and exercise once I've got a better diet down pat. Slow and steady is going to win this one.<br />
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Small changes I've made so far:<br />
<ul><li>Replacing ice cream with sugar free yogurt when I need something sweet. This seriously knocked my caloric/fat intake down a LOT! I love ice cream.<br />
</li>
<li>Diet pop and sugar free flavored 'water'. I HATE plain water, hate it.<br />
</li>
<li>Eat breakfast! Usually Greek yogurt, my new love, with something else. I don't get as hungry during the day when I have breakfast.</li>
<li>Reducing meal portions by half and only eating a little when feel hungry. Just not overeating then feeling gross afterward.<br />
</li>
<li>Pour any snacks into a very small bowl so I don't overeat. Small bowls and plates are my new friend.<br />
</li>
<li>Realizing if I'm emotional/boredom eating or if I'm really hungry. (The hardest one to manage)</li>
</ul>I've lost almost 5 pounds so far. I feel motivated. I know I can do this. I changed my diet almost overnight when I was gestating a child and our health was in jeopardy, and I've put those nutritional rules back in place. My health IS in jeopardy if I keep going this way! I do have to be careful because I don't have a gall bladder (past starvation dieting), and if I don't eat I end up with major gastric issues. This doesn't let me starve to lose the weight, which was always my go-to in the past to maintain things.<br />
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I am going to get back in my 'skinny-self' jeans. I won't be embarrassed to be in a swimsuit at the pool next year. I will have more energy to play with my child. I will be healthier to teach my child good eating habits. I won't hate my body anymore. So I'm putting it out there, and that ticker will be going down instead of up now that I know people will be watching! ;-)<br />
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Summer 2009 at almost 240:<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhve2kIeanD_CZga_Ymz6qrE0u-jZFDJvPpzC-UV8jtDt2LOtXcyMhO2ckTt1mGDw7UwjOPyyFdrt7XXe8_3NRJ0ppSVAmFCtrHR-OwxM97J0lUrksK8l-cw2GagTQCXPO5DckUgZURD1hO/s1600-h/S5003956.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377125195327168130" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhve2kIeanD_CZga_Ymz6qrE0u-jZFDJvPpzC-UV8jtDt2LOtXcyMhO2ckTt1mGDw7UwjOPyyFdrt7XXe8_3NRJ0ppSVAmFCtrHR-OwxM97J0lUrksK8l-cw2GagTQCXPO5DckUgZURD1hO/s400/S5003956.JPG" style="height: 300px; width: 400px;" /></a><br />
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Goal #1 at 165, can't find any for 145:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a315/stepcorrect/All%20About%20StepCorrect/1d06.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a315/stepcorrect/All%20About%20StepCorrect/1d06.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Smallest at 125-130 lbs:</blockquote><blockquote><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXjzoHXHqDIKGKbWE8FNVmxCOtxKN_eIqi_YlrA1hnl4BcVSqPkiFYp1rKP9E8cJcnwrwUXxnd-iV5i_tAqZDN8MAp8rlZZCTP5lO8eh1Wi_hhm1JHH1AUu5LCLuAR5pQLcfvBvu6oM7hl/s1600-h/251d.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377135351907564322" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXjzoHXHqDIKGKbWE8FNVmxCOtxKN_eIqi_YlrA1hnl4BcVSqPkiFYp1rKP9E8cJcnwrwUXxnd-iV5i_tAqZDN8MAp8rlZZCTP5lO8eh1Wi_hhm1JHH1AUu5LCLuAR5pQLcfvBvu6oM7hl/s400/251d.jpg" style="height: 240px; width: 320px;" /></a><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a315/stepcorrect/All%20Me/2ad8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a315/stepcorrect/All%20Me/2ad8.jpg" width="240" /></a></div></blockquote>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07761412552444302005noreply@blogger.com0