Moving Day With a Weigh In

I'm moving all my Polymyositis posts from my 'mommy blog' over to this blog. Since it's all health related, I might as well keep it all in one spot and it doesn't seem right to have all my issues on a blog that used to be all about him. Plus, my first blog about my son's life just falls by the wayside now since he's getting older and I'm feeling like he deserves more privacy. I mostly post about him privately on FB to just family and friends. There'll be updates here about parenting with Polymyositis, but less about my son specifically. I'm pretty sure my homeschooling blog will share more than enough about him anyway.

So watch for a slow but sure migration from there to here!

Current weight - 552.1. My heaviest EVER in life, and yes I feel sick about it and have a lot to say about how upset that makes me. Another time though.

Starting a New Life After Almost Dying or How Polymyositis Changes Everything

Sooooo.... yeah, I guess I fell off the diet wagon for a long time, and then this year I find out the hard way that I have a rare autoimmune disease called Polymyositis (PM) with Interstitial Lung Disease (ILD). Basically my body is attacking my own muscles, & the worst parts are the shoulders and hips. Some people have issues with swallowing, but I'm okay there thankfully. I had to go to inpatient rehab twice for weakness that put me in a wheelchair. Each time I got out, I was able to walk with just a cane outside. This time I weaned off the oxygen and my lungs are finally clear of crackles.

It all started with bilateral pneumonia right before Halloween 2011, which led to respiratory failure and they thought the muscle weakness was atrophy from the coma. The coma was to keep me from ripping out the ventilator they put in. It was all actually the start of Polymyositis. It took almost 5 months to get a diagnosis of PM. I was in the hospital at least once a month for a minimum of a week at a time, and I had to switch hospitals to find this out. Come to find out, weaning me off Prednisone was causing relapses! Now I'm on tons of harsh meds, and physical therapy (PT) and occupational therapy (OT) have gotten me almost back to 100%, but not quite.

Ironically, I was in the process of losing weight and was down to 211, but stuck and going back up. In the hospital I swelled up from the high doses of Prednisone I'd be given, and go back down from the Furosemide/Lasix. I have stretchmarks on the sides of my knees as reminders of this. I couldn't even bend my legs at the knees all the way it was so bad one time. At least now I know what to expect when I get Prednisone in the hospital.

This last stay in the hospital, in inpatient rehab, I was doing 2 hours of exercise and one hour of daily living (ADLs) every day while on a 10 carb meal limit. The Prednisone increases my blood sugar and makes me hyperglycemic. So the exercise & carb restriction had me come out of the hospital at 194.7! I stepped on the scale twice to make sure. Since I've been home, I'm back up to 210 with PMS this week. I'm hoping the Lasix brings down the bloating, & next week I'll be discussing tapering the Prednisone so the swelling goes down. I'm inching up in weight, but I don't know how much is meds and how much is lazy eating & not exercising 2 hours a day.

Here's the plan to figure it out: 

Elimination dieting of sugar, dairy & wheat/gluten starting June 4th and each week after, eliminate the next thing. It's first Monday of June. Why wait? Because I'm planning a major event by travelling to Chicago June 1 and trying to 'cleanse' my diet while travelling is stupid & I'll fail. If I fail, I'll give up. I'll be checking with my Drs. on this idea as well before I start. My next step has slowly helped ease me into this somewhat. I'm really going to miss cheese, greek yogurt, ice cream & chips.

Cleaning of the kitchen cabinets and freezer/fridge. I've been 'shopping the pantry' to clean out expired foods, processed foods, etc. Now that I'm paying attention to what's in the food I eat, and how I feel after I eat it, I realize that the garbage I'm putting into my body makes me feel like garbage. The less temptation I have in my cabinets or fridge, the less likely my willpower will give out. So processed, microwavable, HFS, MSG, and similar items are vanishing from my home.

Exercise program: My PT told me to walk every day and each day go two houses further. This starts now, obviously. I also have OT exercises to do with my arms even though I'm not in OT anymore. These keep my strength up where I'm still shaky and hopefully keep the flares at bay. How many times did I wish I was in shape before getting sick?! Having two nurses have to help you, or not trusting someone to be strong enough to catch you if you fall because you're heavier than them sucks. Muscle strength is what helps me to get up off the floor! Motivation is all I need when I'm not being goaded by an evil therapist. Yoga & swimming are on the OK list as well. I'm excited about this. I also think Tai Chi might be good for me for exercise and for keeping stress at bay.

This is going to be really hard. Food is my life. I love cooking. I love eating. No... this is going to be a CHALLENGE! I need to change my mindset. If I overcame not being able to wipe my own butt more than once while in the hospital... I can change my diet and exercise everyday - even if I hate it. Changing my diet should be easy compared to what I've already done so far.

Time to start a new life after almost dying.

Strep Throat

Well, sure enough I got myself sick by burning my candle from both ends and from the middle!  The strep came on so gradually, and I'd never had it before, so it got its claws in my throat nice and deep before I got it treated.

It's been a week since I ate solid food.  From last Sunday to Saturday, all I had was liquids and not even filling ones.  Everything burned so bad when I tried to swallow, even pudding and jello!  I had 1% milk, tea, hot cocoa, and coffee to keep going.  Work didn't stop coming in while I was sick.  My son didn't stop needing me when I wanted to cry from the pain.  He's sick as a dog too, but of course not with the highly contagious strep but with a hacking cough. *sighs*

Sadly, I thought I'd lose weight from the all-liquid diet all week, but it's not looking good.  Normally I weigh right when I get up before a shower (naked) and was at 127 the Sunday it started.  On Wednesday, I weighed mid-day, fully clothed and was at 134.  How is that even possible?!  HOW?!  I'm doing a real weigh-in when I get up.  I'm totally blaming PMS and 'water' weight. Hmph!

I'm also working my butt off this month to be able to add that gym membership to my budget in January.  Ohhhh, since it's just the membership sign-up fee that's really pushing it out of reach, maybe requesting it as a present from someone in my family!  Ha, I'm brainstorming like the Imagination Movers my son watches.  Must follow up on that idea later.

I'm headed back to sleep feeling more positive at least.  Now if only my household could shake these colds we keep getting.  The resting  part of sick I'm all for, except my son didn't get that memo.  Crazy kid.

Wordless Weekend

Back up the scale...

I'm having some really, really stressful weeks going on here.  Emotionally just a wreck and choosing not to fight it.  I'm eating to soothe my feelings.  Add some PMS on top of that and I'm a super salty-sweet scavenger here.  Pretty sure the bag of oreos and of tortilla chips sums that one up.

I'm up 7 pounds.  I'm pissed.  Pissed at myself for the junk I've eaten.

My son starts school in a couple weeks.  Five days a week, three hours a day.  Perfect for working out...alone!  Every. Single. Day. Alone!  I have a plan.  I will wear my workout clothes to drop him off.  I will go work out or walk or something during that time! 

I want to start dating....

I don't want to date as a 'big girl'.  I want to be happy inside first.  I WILL do this.

15 Pounds!!!

I just hit the 15 lbs lost goal!  Of course, my 4 year old has hidden my camera and we're going on day 3 of looking for it.  So no picture.  :-( 

This is the most I've lost consistently in forever.  I'm on a roll and I'm super excited.   That's half the weight of my kid I just lost. Hooray! 

In Jammies After Breakfast

Not sure why I didn't take this first thing in the morning before my shower, but whatever.  I'm claiming 225 and celebrating with a pedicure.

Weigh In with Current & Goal Pictures

Weigh in: I'm at 227!

Not much from the 228.6 but the consistent small loses mean a lot to me right now.  I feel like I'm actually making progress and some of the things I had hoped to do when I started thinking seriously about weight loss can now be continued and built upon.  Hopefully keeping the pictures on here will remind me of my journey so I don't loose motivation.  Since I love seeing other bloggers' photos of their progress, I'm hoping to do that for mine as well.  The photos from an old post are the start and the goal.

I wrote this on my family blog around my last birthday 9/2009 (edited for clarity):

I've always had issues with my weight. It goes up and down over time but I've never been as stressed over it like I am now. I used to love almost all of my body and how it looked. My calves and I have a love/hate relationship. Now, I'm the heaviest I've ever been and I weigh the same now as right before I gave birth. I added the baby weight back on rather than losing it. I only blame myself for letting it get out of hand, but now I'm going to be accountable for losing it rather than hiding it and being embarrassed about my size. The weight-loss ticker to the left is going to keep me accountable and honest about my progress. I already had to add pounds before I got to take pounds off.

I come from a line of heavy people on my paternal side, and know the health issues that come with it. I'm at risk for Type II diabetes, genetically and due to my gestational diabetes which vanished (thankfully) after Noah was born. I have terrible eating habits because I'm not disciplined and it's easier to snack at a computer than to stop and eat a meal. I work at home and my classes are online, so I sit in front of a computer for 15+ hours a day if not more. My son thinks my treadmill is an indoor jungle gym. Having had my gallbladder out makes things complicated as well.  The one thing I can say positive is that I quit smoking in 2006, which is never a negative even if it added pounds! 

The problem now is that my weight is causing me to change how I feel and act around people I know or just meet. I'm embarrassed to go see old friends who knew me when I was thinner. I constantly wonder if I'm dismissed as 'the fat chick'. I look in the mirror and I hate how round my face is and that double chin (omg I just said that out loud). My belly looks a mess with a yucky flap thing from carrying a kid. The only reason I don't really have serious wrinkles is that fat is less painful than botox for keeping them away. I don't feel good at all about any part of me. I have cute clothes in my current size (18/20), but I'm not happy at all about how I look in them.

My average weight is around 145-ish, but I was down to 125 (bad breakup) when I met my ex-husband.  I emotionally ate while I lived in AZ until I was 170 and thought that was the heaviest I'd get and had ever been. Then I got pregnant. I cried at 200, my 'max limit weight'. I got up to 235 but was at 208 after the baby. I haven't been under 200 since Noah was born. I'm ready to be back down to at least 150 max. I have a long way to go.

So this is my leap into better eating and then I'll try to add the exercise in slowly. I've failed before by trying to revamp my whole lifestyle and gave up when it was too much at once. Exercise is going to be the harder part of this whole thing. I am NOT a motivated person. I know what I should do, but putting it into action isn't my forte. So healthy eating first, and exercise once I've got a better diet down pat. Slow and steady is going to win this one.

Small changes I've made so far:

• Replacing ice cream with sugar free yogurt when I need something sweet. This seriously knocked my caloric/fat intake down a LOT! I love ice cream.
  
• Diet pop and sugar free flavored 'water'. I HATE plain water, hate it.
  
• Eat breakfast! Usually Greek yogurt, my new love, with something else. I don't get as hungry during the day when I have breakfast.
• Reducing meal portions by half and only eating a little when feel hungry. Just not overeating then feeling gross afterward.
  
• Pour any snacks into a very small bowl so I don't overeat. Small bowls and plates are my new friend.
  
• Realizing if I'm emotional/boredom eating or if I'm really hungry. (The hardest one to manage)

I've lost almost 5 pounds so far. I feel motivated. I know I can do this. I changed my diet almost overnight when I was gestating a child and our health was in jeopardy, and I've put those nutritional rules back in place. My health IS in jeopardy if I keep going this way! I do have to be careful because I don't have a gall bladder (past starvation dieting), and if I don't eat I end up with major gastric issues. This doesn't let me starve to lose the weight, which was always my go-to in the past to maintain things.

I am going to get back in my 'skinny-self' jeans. I won't be embarrassed to be in a swimsuit at the pool next year. I will have more energy to play with my child. I will be healthier to teach my child good eating habits. I won't hate my body anymore. So I'm putting it out there, and that ticker will be going down instead of up now that I know people will be watching! ;-)

Summer 2009 at almost 240:


Goal #1 at 165, can't find any for 145:

Smallest at 125-130 lbs:

Back on Track & in the 220's

So I took a loooong break from even trying to get fit or lose weight.  I suppose it was bad timing to try to start with the new year, as I was immediately put under a lot of stress with school and trying to find a new place to live.  Sometimes I just know when to claim defeat and start again when the timing is better.  I know myself well enough that if I had tried to put that on my already fully plate then I would've beat myself up every day for failing.  Instead, I put it on a temporary hold.  I just made sure I didn't gain but hovered at about 235 or so. 

So here I am, done with school for the summer, moved into my new place, and feeling really good about life.  I have space in my new home to exercise and my stress levels are at an all time low.  I don't find myself in the cupboards looking for solace or stress relief in my snacks anymore.  I am also more active now that some of the financial pressure on me has been lifted. 

So the time to start again is now! I've already begun to lose without having added regular exercise.  I just hit 229 (technically 228.6)!  Woo hoo!! Haven't seen that number in... 2 years. *happy dance*  The best thing about this journey is that even if you 'fail' for a while, you can keep starting over and over until you reach your goal.  Heck, I failed at quitting smoking over and over for many years but I finally did it over four years ago.  So I know I can do this!!

I'm going to see if starting the Couch to 5K program will be possible, but not sure if it's feasible without a treadmill and no sitter for the preschooler here at home.  A gym is too pricey right now & when the boy starts school in September I'll have 3 hours to work out every day.  I guess for now there's always cable On Demand exercise shows or my Jillian 30-Day Shred DVD I put somewhere...

I feel good, and I feel motivated!

That Many Calories? Really?

I've been reading a lot of other bloggers who are on weight loss journeys in hopes I'll learn things that I'm currently clueless about.  One of those bloggers is JewliaGoulia who mentioned calorie intake causing a body go into starvation mode.  I would have never thought of this! So this is what the information says from the information I put in on the Women's Nutrition Guide

Your results for the Women's Nutrition Guide Calorie Calculator

These results will help you to know how many calories you need to maintain your current weight, and the number of calories needed per day to achieve your goal weight in a healthy, steady manner.

You need 2303.7 calories per day to maintain your current weight without exercise. (Oh heck no!)
You need 1920.8 calories per day to reach your goal weight slowly and maintain that weight without exercise.
If you reduce your current caloric intake to 1803.7 calories per day you will lose one pound per week without exercise.
If you increase your current caloric intake to 2803.7 calories per day, you will gain one pound per week.

Exercise and Calorie Needs
If you exercise for 30 minutes each day, you may increase your caloric intake to 2567.5 calories per day and still maintain your current weight.

If you exercise for 60 minutes each day, you may increase your caloric intake to 2897.3 calories per day to maintain your current weight.
If you exercise for 30 minutes each day, you will be able to reach your goal weight with 2138.6 calories per day.
If you exercise for 60 minutes each day, you will be able to reach your goal weight with 2411 calories per day.

Macronutrients
The United States Department of Agriculture suggests that approximately 50 percent of your calories come from carbohydrates, about 30 percent from fats, and approximately 20 percent from protein sources. One gram of protein has about four calories, one gram of fat has about nine calories, and one gram of carbohydrate has about four calories.

You need 288 grams of carbohydrates, 76 grams of fat, and 115.2 grams of protein per day for 2303.7 calories to maintain your weight of 235 pounds.
You need 240.1 grams of carbohydrates, 63.4 grams of fat, and 96 grams of protein per day for 1920.8 calories to maintain your goal weight of 145 pounds.

(I prefer a diet closer to what diabetics use. Carbs love sticking with me & I have a family history of diabetes.)

This is SO interesting to me and makes total sense when put like that.  I would've absolutely gone into starvation mode and given up completely when my body didn't melt off the pounds. Now I have a better foundation when I look at all the numbers on nutritional labels! 

Day 1 The Continuation

Weigh in at 8:30am to assess the damage as we begin twenty-ten: 235 *sighs*  Up 3 pounds from 2 days ago.

That's what I get for gorging on garbage foods the past few days before New Years. I feel so gross right now and my kid can have whatever left overs are in there. Blech.  The problem will be the chips & crackers and moderation.  Already I want to say I'll start tomorrow so I can eat crap today! Oh willpower where are you?

Getting fit wasn't a New Years resolution since I've been trying for a while, but I knew the holidays would be pointless.  I cannot be early in the weight loss process and have big holidays with food I love and pies to cook.  So I still kept some of my  smaller portions, eat a healthy breakfast, etc.  Today is the first time I've seen a gain of anything.  I guess that means it's the right time to jump back on the wagon!

Here I go!