Strep Throat

Well, sure enough I got myself sick by burning my candle from both ends and from the middle!  The strep came on so gradually, and I'd never had it before, so it got its claws in my throat nice and deep before I got it treated.

It's been a week since I ate solid food.  From last Sunday to Saturday, all I had was liquids and not even filling ones.  Everything burned so bad when I tried to swallow, even pudding and jello!  I had 1% milk, tea, hot cocoa, and coffee to keep going.  Work didn't stop coming in while I was sick.  My son didn't stop needing me when I wanted to cry from the pain.  He's sick as a dog too, but of course not with the highly contagious strep but with a hacking cough. *sighs*

Sadly, I thought I'd lose weight from the all-liquid diet all week, but it's not looking good.  Normally I weigh right when I get up before a shower (naked) and was at 127 the Sunday it started.  On Wednesday, I weighed mid-day, fully clothed and was at 134.  How is that even possible?!  HOW?!  I'm doing a real weigh-in when I get up.  I'm totally blaming PMS and 'water' weight. Hmph!

I'm also working my butt off this month to be able to add that gym membership to my budget in January.  Ohhhh, since it's just the membership sign-up fee that's really pushing it out of reach, maybe requesting it as a present from someone in my family!  Ha, I'm brainstorming like the Imagination Movers my son watches.  Must follow up on that idea later.

I'm headed back to sleep feeling more positive at least.  Now if only my household could shake these colds we keep getting.  The resting  part of sick I'm all for, except my son didn't get that memo.  Crazy kid.

NaBloPoMo NoMo

Done.  Just done writing every day about my failure to eat right and exercise.  I'm so beyond stressed out right now with the holidays coming and money super tight.  I just need a break for a minute and this is one less guilt trip for me to worry about.  Seriously, I put a cookie in my mouth and thought about how that's going to make for more crappy blog fodder tonight.  So I don't know if I feel like writing tomorrow I will, and if not well whatever.  I'm tired and worn down from being a single mom with a strong-willed child who will not go to bed and just wears me down until I'm just so done.  I'm not going up or down either way so maybe when I can afford that stupid gym membership or get motivated to move around in front of my television to videos, then maybe I'll feel better about writing about the progress I'm making.  As of now, this is not helping me feel better at all.  That's not what I need right now.

Sick

Oh the fun of sinus congestion and feeling bad all over.  I've had more chicken soup, tea, and orange juice than should be humanly allowed.  The poptart I ate was dry and scratchy and tasted like dirt - sugary dirt.  Yuck.  Milk was a really bad choice this morning and just made me a way more congested, and I knew better so that's worse.  I suppose this is a good thing?  The taste of my normal foods are just off and I don't want to eat anything since it tastes weird.  It may even just be allergies but I doubt it.  I can guarantee I won't be trying to do any aerobic activities while I can't breathe through two nostrils at the same time.  I just feel so yuck right now.

I'm just waiting for my son to get this too.  He just got over a cold and it's never fun when he's congested.  That truly stresses me out and trying to get him to eat stresses me out even more.  The only easy part of that is that I can finally keep up with him because he doesn't want to do anything.  I know he's better when he's back to his Tigger-like bouncy self.  That's usually when I end up eating what he leaves on his plate because it's basically not touched.  I don't eat mine and then his, I usually just eat his plate because I know he won't.

I really need to figure this all out.  This might just be the most boring non-weight loss blog ever.  There's no weight loss or exercise to be seen around here.  Just me thinking about it and wishing it would happen. You know, I'm in a terrible mood today and sick of myself.  On that note...g'nite.

Aches and Pains

My body hurts in all kinds of places.  I know some of it is from the extra weight I'm carrying around on my body.  My hips hurt mostly.  That's partly because of this God awful couch I bought online that is like lounging on a rock.  If I were a lizard sunning myself it would be great. I'm not.  I'm sure the 80 or so pounds I need to lose aren't helping when all the pressure is placed on my hip when I 'relax' on my couch.  I really just need to sell it and get a new one.  My knees hurt too.  Usually when I'm down on the floor playing with my son and I have to get up.  Things usually pop and crack when I get up.  That can't be good for me.  I had knee problems as a teenager and I really would like to avoid them now.  My feet hurt if I stand for too long.  They hurt if I walk at the zoo all day with my son.  They don't fit in my cute shoes right.  I hate it.  I thought my cute shoes were the one thing I would always have.  I mean, the whole knee-high boot thing is a nightmare for me anyway.  I come from thick-calved genetics and even on my thinnest days they don't fit me.

I think the worst pain is the pain of not being happy with how I look right now.  Every day I wonder how the hell I got here.  Okay, I know how - stress, baby, divorce, unemployment, homelessness, etc, etc.  Now how do I get out of it?  Where do I find my motivation when I feel defeated before I start?  I know all the things I need to do to make it happen.  I know and I just don't know where to find my motivation.  I know if I started exercising regularly the pounds would start dropping off and that would be motivation enough.  Now if only I didn't get itchy after I start sweating that might help too.  Who wants to sweat and then itch?!  Like working out isn't pain enough.  I guess I'll have to figure it all out.  Soon.

Oatmeal

Today I realized if I start my day with oatmeal, I don't have the urge to snack or just wander in search of something to eat.  It actually keeps me full until lunch and I like oatmeal.  Okay, so it's not the plain kind...yet.  And I probably ingested too many calories, carbs, sugar, etc. but it's good to know and I can switch to plain with my own fruit once I'm out of my blah slump.  I'm feeling better.  I don't know what it is when fall ends and right before Daylight Savings I get all out of sorts and yuck.  I'm not going to blame it on PMS because that's not like a month long issue.  Not for me anyway.  So I had greek yogurt and homemade chili with veggies in it.  I have always put in frozen mixed veggies, even though this time it felt like I was ruining it, but I like them and it's better for me.  Now as far as portion control, I could probably have had smaller portions and no cheese.  I didn't use sour cream at all this time.  It's these little changes I need to document so I just don't feel like I'm completely failing and just not making any effort at all.  Thank God the Halloween candy is all gone.  We didn't have that much in my house, so that was a plus.  But I did have KFC chicken and then homemade pizza Saturday while I visited family.  So my battle is just maybe trying to work on portion control in small ways.  I really, really know I need to add exercise.  I'm not mentally there yet.  I'll have to blog those out tomorrow.

Wordless Weekend Goal

Wordless Weekend